Help Me See

The Importance of Following the Constellation of YOU

February 22, 2023 Bianca Morra Season 3 Episode 72
Help Me See
The Importance of Following the Constellation of YOU
Show Notes Transcript

What life is available to you if you stop spending so much energy trying to "correct" yourself and use that energy to support yourself by following the thread of YOU?




If you love this conversation and want to dream into enjoying your vision in 2023 with me, sign up for my upcoming free workshop- The Help Me See Visioning Workshop

Do you identify as an intentional photographic artist? Here is the waitlist for my upcoming course- Your Bigger Picture, For Intentional Photographic Artists


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www.biancaleamorra.com

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0:00

what can happen when we stop making


0:02

ourselves wrong


0:04

for not fitting into certain boxes like


0:08

when the answer to a question is neither


0:12

or both


0:14

why is it that we can feel instantly


0:17

like insecure like oh am I not being


0:20

able to select am I not being decisive


0:22

enough uh I don't feel strongly either


0:26

way what does that mean about me


0:28

what would happen if we could witness


0:31

ourselves in those moments through a


0:34

lens of neutrality through a lens of wow


0:37

it's really interesting that


0:39

I don't resonate with any of the options


0:42

any of the roots any of the choices


0:46

presented to me what does that mean


0:50

for me I found


0:53

that that means


0:55

not that I'm right or wrong or that


0:57

they're right or wrong or they and you


1:00

know whether it's people or an industry


1:02

or


1:03

whatever it's that I'm having a


1:06

completely different conversation


1:09

and that's okay


1:11

help me see as a podcast that redefines


1:15

the word Vision through vulnerable and


1:19

real conversations


1:21

my own private introspective ramblings


1:24

about the things that I think about in


1:27

the wee hours of the morning


1:29

and my deep core belief that your


1:32

nothingness is your everything and all


1:35

you have to do is see


1:38

I'm Bianca Mora I'm your host I am an


1:42

educator a photographic artist and I


1:46

believe that your daily photo habit can


1:49

be the key to unlocking the ability to


1:52

be more present in your everyday life


1:55

and the deeper into your intention and


1:58

purpose


2:00

we're not about the small talk here


2:02

grab your coffee get cozy and let's talk


2:08

hello hello and welcome to an episode of


2:12

help me see that is two weeks Leahy what


2:15

the [ __ ] I've never gone this long


2:19

and not gonna lie it made me feel really


2:22

crappy to


2:25

quote unquote get behind on on the


2:28

posting of these episodes because I love


2:30

the space so much but I would be remiss


2:33

if I didn't address how important


2:36

it is to


2:40

honor your gut and


2:43

um


2:43

and honor that above


2:50

above a schedule or above


2:53

you know just anything else and you're


2:56

the only one that can make that decision


2:57

so


2:58

I was away


3:00

um working in Atlanta for two weeks and


3:03

I had intended to keep up with it


3:05

throughout that but it just got so crazy


3:08

and I'm also involved in a certification


3:12

course on neuro-linguistic programming


3:14

and the few times that I did have


3:18

um time after work I was in my classes


3:21

and


3:22

it was so much more important to me to


3:25

wait and not put out something that felt


3:28

like rushed or unintentional


3:30

so I did and


3:34

I'm happy I did but I also I'm not going


3:37

to lie and said it felt good because it


3:39

didn't feel really anxious and twirly


3:43

and I didn't love it but


3:47

I'm still glad that I didn't because I


3:49

have much to say from


3:52

from those two weeks that I have not


3:55

been checking in and today's episode


3:57

is really about


4:00

following the constellation of you so


4:05

uh at the end of this episode here I'm


4:07

gonna tag on


4:09

a Facebook live recording I did in my


4:11

group membership Nostalgia now


4:14

ah


4:16

um


4:19

so it's alive I did in that private


4:21

Facebook group that sometimes I'll go


4:23

into randomly and just share what's on


4:25

top of my heart and the last chair felt


4:29

um


4:30

felt really important and it felt like


4:31

something that I want to expand on here


4:33

and now before I even insert that that


4:37

clip


4:38

um


4:39

where shall I start so I'll start with


4:42

the fact that


4:43

in that membership in Nostalgia now


4:49

it's


4:51

one of my absolute favorite things to do


4:55

at all like it's the one time of the


4:57

month that I'm like giddy for


4:59

um because we meet once a month


5:00

[Music]


5:02

and in creating that membership it was


5:05

really really difficult for me to


5:09

for a long time to feel at peace with


5:13

the structure of it because it felt so


5:18

um like Bare Bones to me like there's


5:22

one meeting every month and I provide


5:25

resources


5:27

um


5:27

in the student portal but it's super


5:31

like low maintenance like it's super


5:35

simple


5:36

and that can be confronting because I


5:40

think as creators and as just as people


5:42

in general it can be easy to want to


5:45

hide behind a lot of things like oh here


5:49

there's this and there's this and


5:50

there's this and there's this


5:52

but for me the structure of this


5:55

membership has been


5:57

um


6:00

really important because I want it to be


6:03

something that feels like real life that


6:05

feels actually doable that does not


6:07

overwhelm I'm someone that gets very


6:09

easily overwhelmed and if you give me


6:11

information I'm gonna keep taking it and


6:13

taking it and taking it and and then I


6:15

get stuck in the integration phase and I


6:17

get so overwhelmed because I love all


6:19

the information and I love learning but


6:21

then my brain kind of shorts out and I


6:24

don't want this space to be that I want


6:26

the space to feel like a really like


6:28

healthy nourishing uh expansive and open


6:32

space


6:34

um so I'm very selective over if I add


6:38

more to the space


6:41

um I don't even give assignments in the


6:43

space like that's why each month the


6:45

lens is an intention because I want it


6:48

to just be something that you feel that


6:50

you can put in the back of your mind and


6:52

go forth and take it where you want to


6:54

or leave it where you don't and um so


6:57

anyway


6:59

that was the background so in and of


7:01

itself


7:04

this membership has been an opportunity


7:06

for me to follow my gut and to


7:11

um feel my way through


7:14

going first and that's this month's


7:17

intention is I must go first and it's


7:19

you know


7:20

I must do the thing that feels right to


7:24

me and only me even if I haven't seen it


7:26

done elsewhere because oftentimes


7:29

even though there's a million different


7:30

variations of so many different things


7:32

it's not


7:35

the origin is not you so it is not


7:37

completely you so where are the big and


7:40

small parts of our lives where we can


7:43

really customize and personalize uh


7:48

us


7:49

and it doesn't have to just be a uh


7:54

like an offering a grand program that


7:57

you created it could be when you're at a


7:59

restaurant and you just really want to


8:01

make a substitution or you're at a cafe


8:04

and you want to make your own coffee


8:05

flavor because that's what you're


8:07

feeling you know where are those little


8:09

invitations throughout our day and in


8:10

our lives where we can


8:14

make our own way


8:17

what can happen when we stop making


8:20

ourselves wrong


8:22

for not fitting into certain boxes like


8:26

when the answer to a question is neither


8:30

or both


8:32

why is it that we can feel instantly


8:34

like insecure like oh am I not being


8:38

able to select am I not being decisive


8:40

enough uh I don't feel strongly either


8:43

way what does that mean about me


8:46

what would happen if we could witness


8:49

ourselves in those moments through a


8:52

lens of neutrality through a lens of wow


8:55

it's really interesting that


8:57

I don't resonate with any of the options


9:00

any of the roots any of the choices


9:04

presented to me what does that mean


9:08

for me I found


9:11

that that means


9:13

not that I'm right or wrong or that


9:15

they're right or wrong or they and then


9:18

you know whether it's people or an


9:19

industry or whatever it's that I'm


9:23

having a completely different


9:24

conversation


9:27

and that's okay


9:30

you know it's apples and oranges


9:34

um


9:36

so when I think about this I think about


9:39

you know


9:41

my


9:43

the conversation I want to be having


9:45

about photography


9:47

is not image quality and it's not about


9:52

getting more clients and it's not about


9:55

uh


9:57

I don't even love talking about you know


10:00

technical


10:01

skills which I certainly will of course


10:06

but to me the most impactful


10:10

teaching the most impactful coaching the


10:13

most important thing I can talk about


10:16

is what I feel to be


10:18

the Crux of what this medium has to


10:22

offer


10:23

a level of conscious awareness a level


10:26

of self-discovery a level of


10:31

presence for it its ability to draw you


10:34

deeper into life


10:37

everything else feels so


10:40

much easier and


10:44

um like accessories almost to that


10:46

conversation for me


10:49

and that doesn't make me more right or


10:51

less right than anyone else that's just


10:54

the conversation that I want to be


10:55

having and the only way that I was able


10:58

to decipher that and find that knowing


11:01

myself was trusting my constellation so


11:05

constellation what is that constellation


11:08

in terms of you know


11:10

Stars whatever I looked at the


11:13

definition because I was curious like


11:14

what does it actually Define to us a


11:16

group or cluster of related things


11:19

um


11:20

and their example was no two patients


11:22

ever show exactly the same constellation


11:25

of symptoms


11:26

I just love this word constellation


11:29

because inherently it gives you the


11:31

visual of like non-linear like it


11:34

doesn't have to be a perfect whatever it


11:37

can be when you think about a


11:38

constellation of stars oftentimes you're


11:40

like where the [ __ ] am I looking what is


11:42

this like that's a Dipper what is that


11:44

supposed to be it's like hard to


11:46

decipher but that's us like


11:50

I


11:51

love dance


11:54

so much I love dance what is it about


11:56

dance I love a certain type of painting


11:59

I love uh


12:02

conversations around social norms and uh


12:05

I get really pissed off at authoritative


12:08

figures and the politics of the


12:11

corporate world and how [ __ ] it is


12:14

and you know like my own unique recipe


12:17

of things that inspire me and pissed me


12:20

off and interest me and draw me in and


12:23

make me cry that is my own constellation


12:26

of me and instead of feeling like I need


12:30

to be fixed or I'm not right for feeling


12:33

a certain way


12:36

when I stopped putting so much energy


12:38

into


12:39

trying to fit into something else or


12:42

diagnose myself and I start just


12:44

witnessing through a lens of neutrality


12:46

and honoring my consolation honoring my


12:49

instincts and my


12:51

um


12:52

innate uh


12:55

interests


12:57

then everything opens up like


13:01

neuro-linguistic programming the


13:02

certification I'm in like I don't even


13:05

know this was a thing a year ago I never


13:08

even knew what it was I still probably


13:09

couldn't give you a sound definition and


13:12

I'm like a month into the course


13:14

two months into the court I don't even


13:16

know


13:17

um but I followed a thread I followed a


13:19

thread of I had a I have she it's the


13:24

same person a beautiful amazing coach


13:29

business coach Haley Carr and I had felt


13:33

so deeply I could cry talking about it


13:37

supported and seen and I've never felt


13:42

that way in a space before in my whole


13:44

life even with like family I I just felt


13:48

so good in her space


13:50

what is that about what is that


13:52

and it turns out she has a background in


13:56

neuro-linguistic programming and I was


13:58

like I don't know what the [ __ ] that is


13:59

but I must learn more because I the


14:03

feeling that I felt in that space I want


14:05

to


14:06

create and integrate into the spaces


14:10

that I offer you and whoever joins uh so


14:15

I'm following that thread and who knows


14:17

if it you know how directly or


14:19

indirectly it will influence my worlds


14:22

and my Creations but it was a really


14:25

important decision for me to invest in


14:28

something that didn't have a clear-cut


14:29

results or reason why I was doing it


14:34

and I felt really [ __ ] good


14:40

um


14:43

okay


14:45

I just took a breath and now I'm


14:46

wondering where I am in this


14:47

conversation so


14:51

honoring the constellation of yourself


14:52

yes what happens when


14:56

so I want you to take a moment before I


15:01

I enter this um my little chat that I


15:04

did in my Instagram in my Facebook live


15:06

for my membership


15:09

um


15:09

can you think about


15:13

an area in your life


15:15

where you feel


15:17

drained where you feel like you're


15:19

trying to fit yourself into something


15:23

and you don't like any of the option and


15:25

it just feels constrictive what is it


15:29

like it could be something in your work


15:33

is it like is there an industry


15:35

quote-unquote standard that you're


15:37

trying to meet that just you don't even


15:40

have energy behind it because you don't


15:42

care to meet it you don't it feels


15:44

irrelevant to you but for some reason


15:46

other people think it's important


15:48

isn't that just what a standard is it's


15:50

just like most people do it this way


15:53

I don't know I hate that word


15:55

um


15:56

or is it like I think about for me


15:59

um in the kitchen sometimes like meal


16:02

making meals and feeding my family can


16:05

feel so like oh my God but then when I


16:09

open myself up to reinterpret like what


16:12

a meal could be and maybe it's just like


16:14

a bunch of dips and a bunch of different


16:16

things to dip in those dips that excites


16:19

me so why can't it be like that you know


16:21

okay Ken


16:23

um so what areas of your life do you


16:25

feel like you are


16:27

you have opportunities to witness


16:30

yourself


16:32

neutrally be like hmm this doesn't work


16:35

for me how about I try it this way


16:39

um a quick aside before I just thought


16:41

about this example and it's really


16:43

really important uh so in the last two


16:46

years I discovered that I am a HSP a


16:49

highly sensitive person and through that


16:51

Discovery


16:52

um it's not just like oh she's so


16:55

sensitive and she'll cry and blah blah


16:57

blah it's like a real real thing that


17:01

goes real real deep and it also involves


17:04

like a sensitive nervous system and it


17:05

just explains so much of my life to me


17:09

um


17:10

it's kind of maddening how powerful


17:13

being able to put your finger on


17:14

something can be uh because I like to


17:17

think that I don't need that type of


17:19

validation but I'm human and I do


17:22

uh so


17:24

part of that here's an example is that


17:28

certain spaces like whether it's the


17:30

lighting or the noise level or the


17:33

activity can trigger me to feel anxiety


17:35

so I know this now I know this because


17:39

I've read about it okay so I was at


17:42

lunch with my friends and I started


17:45

feeling anxiety so what would happen


17:47

before understanding more about my


17:49

nervous system is that I would think to


17:51

myself


17:52

what the [ __ ] is wrong with you you're


17:54

with one of your best friends like you


17:56

don't you're obviously very comfortable


17:57

with this person this is a lovely


17:59

afternoon the weather is great the


18:00

food's delicious why are you feeling


18:02

like this and then I'm in that like


18:04

attacking of myself I start to panic and


18:08

I can't breathe right and it just starts


18:09

to build and I would like have an


18:11

anxiety attack


18:12

but now this most recent time where I


18:15

started to feel that


18:17

I was like oh


18:19

this is this noise is uncomfortable for


18:21

me this is my nervous system this makes


18:24

sense that I'm feeling like this it


18:26

quote-unquote makes sense now that I


18:28

know this like


18:29

obscure fact about my nervous system


18:32

that someone else told me


18:34

how ridiculous anyway


18:37

um so then now I can be like oh okay I


18:40

have these earplugs that I bought


18:42

um that help dull noise that could help


18:44

or hey maybe we don't hang out for


18:47

dessert here maybe we take it to go and


18:49

then we can like walk outside and I'm


18:52

able to keep myself


18:54

home and not escalate in that way


18:56

because I'm just like very uncharged


18:59

about it like oh this doesn't feel good


19:01

how can I change my environment to


19:03

better suit me


19:07

it's maddening and empowering at the


19:09

same time


19:11

anyway


19:12

um I hope that that helps I hope that


19:16

that kind of sparked something for you


19:18

that


19:21

feels freeing and opening


19:24

um I am now going to insert that little


19:28

live I did that kind of drilled into


19:30

this a little deeper in another area


19:33

um and and that's it before I head out


19:36

and and drop that part of the podcast


19:39

here I want to mention that in true me


19:42

form


19:43

I am we're in the end of February and I


19:47

am about to schedule my visioning


19:51

workshop


19:52

that was meant to be a New Year's


19:54

visioning Workshop but I actually feel


19:57

like it works out better because how


19:58

many of us have set an intention and


20:01

already feel like we're flopping and


20:03

overwhelmed and tired and Haggard right


20:05

so who says we can't have a new Fresh


20:08

Start on the year


20:10

um in end of February early March like


20:14

let's let's do that like why are we


20:16

adhering to this trivial standard of a


20:19

fresh new year time is all an illusion


20:22

anyway so uh if you're interested if


20:25

you're interested in joining me for just


20:28

coming together and


20:30

stepping back from our lives and being


20:32

able to look at it with a intentional


20:35

lens


20:36

uh click the link in my show notes and I


20:39

will send you the link to our Zoom for


20:41

where we will get together and just chat


20:44

and talk about the things and come up


20:47

with an energizing vision for our new


20:52

year


20:53

okay that's it for now enjoy the rest of


20:56

the show and I will see you next week


21:00

hello hello good morning I hope this


21:04

broadcast goes well because I'm outside


21:06

of the studio that I'm art directing at


21:09

and sometimes it it


21:13

cancels out during the live but


21:15

hopefully we're good I wanted to come on


21:17

and say hello and just share what's been


21:20

on my heart I know this month's


21:22

intention can be a little bit


21:26

spicy and


21:28

confronting I must go first uh


21:34

and really what this has brought out of


21:37

me is this reminder of


21:40

getting out of your head and into your


21:43

power


21:44

I don't know about you but I am someone


21:46

who


21:48

loves to spend time in my head


21:51

my happy place is you know somewhere


21:54

either by water or in my dark basement


21:57

and just thinking and reading and


22:00

learning


22:02

and that's wonderful


22:05

but the movement and the the experiences


22:10

and the confidence and the change


22:13

the change for what we want happens when


22:18

we are in the world


22:21

acting in


22:23

in alignment with


22:26

ourselves and we can't think our way


22:30

through that we can't


22:34

know something to be true unless we've


22:36

experienced it


22:38

fully


22:41

something an example that comes to mind


22:43

recently is um


22:45

I had a meeting at my son's school about


22:48

my son and


22:50

I have


22:52

never read a parenting book I don't


22:57

really do much research on you know


23:01

Milestones or you know this or that as


23:04

they grow I just have had such an


23:07

aversion to that


23:09

I don't want to I mean there have been a


23:12

few things here in there that I've


23:14

looked up but at the same time I'm I


23:16

don't know and I feel good about it in


23:18

myself but there's this invisible layer


23:20

of like when I hear other people talking


23:23

about


23:24

what they should and should not be doing


23:26

by this age or oh I've read and insert


23:30

you know just a random thought


23:32

I start feeling like it's a feeling


23:34

responsible for me to have not


23:37

done that to have not done my research


23:40

on XYZ so anyway PS


23:45

so the scenario here I'm pulling back is


23:47

you're going through something with your


23:49

intuition and your gut but then


23:52

um along the way you start feeling like


23:55

Whispers of things that make you feel


23:57

insecure like am I wrong for doing that


24:00

so I'm in this meeting with


24:03

um


24:04

with my son's teacher and some some


24:07

other extra support and we're talking


24:09

about him


24:11

and I find myself giving examples and


24:14

kind of coming up against and with it


24:16

wasn't all you know adversary but uh


24:20

just my I was very clear on what I


24:23

agreed with what they were talking about


24:24

and what I didn't and what was coming


24:27

out of my mouth was so much more uh


24:30

I just knew so much more than I thought


24:33

I knew and I was doing


24:35

so many things purposefully and


24:38

intentionally


24:40

um then I realized I even was and I


24:42

think that's a product of my intuition


24:44

and I actually left I thought I was


24:47

going to leave that meeting crying I


24:48

really did but I left that meeting


24:51

feeling so much better about myself as a


24:56

parent


24:57

um


24:58

and so just affirmed by what I was doing


25:00

and what I've been doing all along and I


25:02

feel like that type of confidence that


25:05

type of and now it's not that I'm going


25:07

to be immune to feeling like like a


25:09

little shrinky sometimes when I'm in


25:12

these conversations I'm you know there's


25:14

someone that practices something


25:15

different than me with their Parenthood


25:17

but


25:18

I have that layer of like lived


25:21

experience of like no like I know how


25:24

good I felt


25:26

about my choices and about my family and


25:28

about what I chose to do


25:30

in a situation where it really counted


25:33

and um and I'm gonna keep that with me


25:36

and that's like a metaphor for anything


25:38

else like with our of our work our


25:41

photography our you know anything how we


25:43

are in the world it's only with like


25:46

moving through can't go over it under it


25:50

you gotta go through it


25:51

um lived experiences uh that you can


25:56

kind of calibrate and acquire what you


25:58

need to acquire and also learn if you're


26:01

like hey I actually I've been going


26:03

about it this way


26:04

and now I feel like I need to try


26:06

something else like if I would have left


26:07

that meeting like crying or whatever and


26:10

been really upset maybe maybe that would


26:13

have meant I do actually want to pursue


26:15

looking into books or like I don't know


26:18

who knows the whole point is that


26:20

through experience and through like


26:22

exercising your truth and your power is


26:25

the only way that you can


26:28

gain momentum and gain that confidence


26:30

and gain that inner like peace uh that


26:34

so many of us kind of


26:36

aspire to


26:38

there's another example of how I've been


26:41

wanting to try out a session a type of


26:43

session something I wanted to do my


26:45

photo sessions and I romanticized it for


26:48

months like I was like oh this is gonna


26:51

be amazing and I finally did it and I


26:53

was like well that felt weird I don't


26:55

like it I spent months romanticizing


26:58

this


26:59

um and until I actually did it I didn't


27:01

realize that me


27:02

I don't think I like this


27:05

so this this theme this month of I must


27:08

go first


27:11

it really is because there is no other


27:13

way


27:15

if we want to get what we truly want to


27:18

be in this life I you you just


27:21

it's the thing and then you have to sit


27:22

with that feeling of


27:25

a good bad and different whatever it is


27:27

and then decide on where you want to


27:29

move from there


27:31

um


27:32

so I must go first get out of your head


27:34

and into your body into your power into


27:37

your life


27:39

um so that is what has been on top for


27:40

me


27:42

um


27:43

yeah that's it


27:45

uh I am going to wrap up and head into


27:48

into work now but if you have anything


27:51

to say any comments any questions any


27:54

anything throw them in the in the


27:56

comment box and I so look forward to


27:59

talking to you hi Erica


28:03

my sister's on the call I love you


28:07

my only sister that isn't blocked from


28:08

my social media


28:15

sometime you want to be who you want to


28:17

be in this life there are certain people


28:19

that you you love so much but you gotta


28:23

block them because you're just you just


28:25

got to so that you can move freely


28:27

anyway


28:29

notice to have my my other siblings I


28:31

just


28:33

it is what it is I can't be going on


28:35

live talking about my feelings and


28:36

having my older sister talking about


28:38

burritos and farting I just can't I just


28:41

can't I can't focus like that


28:44

anyway okay I hope you all have a


28:47

beautiful day love you guys