In this episode I share why I've been brought to tears with discomfort in creating my newest course for artists and my latest realization around identifying why my artistic trust in myself in photo sessions feels so invincible.
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[00:00:00] Hello, hello and welcome to another episode of Help Me See. So today on the podcast, I wanna talk about something that is very top of mind for me and that is this idea of, um, incongruence. It's thinking about why are some things so second nature to us. and others. So not why can we feel so comfortable in things that to others are so scary and can be so difficult.
Um, but to us it just feels so effortless and so ingrained. Meanwhile, and like the, the level of skill transferred, um, to something. , it doesn't always equate like it doesn't hash out. Like there can be things where you're like, how am I so comfortable here in this very high stake [00:01:00] situation, but feel like I wanna pee my pants over here in this much lower stake situation?
Um, and I think part of the reason is our deep desire to remain in integrity with. ourself and others, and, and when you're really connected to your purity of intent with something, um, I think it can feel scary in such a profound way. Okay, let me put this to an actual story to, to what is actually happening for me right now.
So, , as I've mentioned before, I'm getting ready to launch this course and I'm finishing the creation process with it, and it doesn't make sense how emotional [00:02:00] I've been about it. Well, it hadn't made sense to me because I was so, like the content of it is so deeply. True for me, it is just the truth of all of my truths and exactly, uh, the things that I wanna share, but I haven't been able to shake this fear of, you know, am I not doing this the right way in order for people to get the expected value?
And the ironic part of that is that the reason why , a big reason why I'm doing this course is because I've had so many experiences purchasing [00:03:00] e uh, education and, uh, you know, being involved in things that were meant to help me, but actually blocked me from myself. And I. Been going through such a fear of inadvertently or in some blind spot way, perpetuating that pattern with the very thing that I'm creating to give people creative freedom and empowerment, uh,
And I think the reason why I feel vulnerable to that is. All of the people that I have learned from before that actually have not served me, I know their intentions were positive. Well, at least it seems to me I trust that their intentions are positive and are [00:04:00] clean and are, you know, in hopes of being helpful.
So I had this, you know, moment of, wait a minute. , am I trying to be helpful and actually doing the opposite of that? Am I creating something that is worthy of the time and the commitment ? And then I realized that part of the reason I was having such fear around it is that I didn't recognize. . And in terms of being compared to what other experiences that I've had, I didn't recognize, um, you know, I didn't build a 10 step process.
I didn't, um, create an acronym. I didn't , I didn't do the things that you're taught to do, [00:05:00] uh, to make something more palatable or digestible. I just put my. into a bunch of different documents and, um, uploading it to a course portal. And when I realized that the intentionality I.
paired with the transparency was actually my
sign that I was doing the right thing Based on my own guidance and teachings, I felt like I could breathe again. So what I mean by this is,
when I'm photographing [00:06:00] someone or family, yes, of course I'm human and I can get butterflies and um, you know, I feel anticipation. And the, I, you know, I have an artistic vision that I would love to. Be able to execute in a certain quality of way and whatever. But when it comes down to it, I have a
indestructible trust in myself and my ability to see the heart of a moment that's in front of.
and I really thought about why is that? How did I get that? How the fuck did I get that? I'm very grateful [00:07:00] for that . How did I get that? And I do not believe it is this. crazy technical skill at all? Actually, I'm, I'm pretty limited in what I choose to know, and I say that very intentionally because I don't believe that you need to know everything there is to know in order to create something that deeply fulfills you.
Um, so I know it's not the technical part, I know. Yes. Oh, I went to a four year. Art school. I don't, it's not that either. I know it's not that I don't think I need it to do that, even though I loved it so much. Um,
I truly believe that my unwavering trust in myself and my ability to reconnect to my vision and my calm and [00:08:00] my presence and my creative freedom in any situation comes from. Alignment and congruence with my belief and conviction in what I'm doing mixed with my, my knowing of my intention, my purity of intent with what I would like to do for people mixed with my connection to the craft.
Having my own very personal relationship with the medium of photography and what my process looks like,
my understanding of what I want to be able to do and provide for people with this work [00:09:00] through my intent.
and knowing that there is direct correlation between all of those beliefs and values and the way I photograph in a session that enables me. to see That enables me to trust that if I stay close to my principles and my values and I have a knowing of that
I can handle anything.
So where Incongruence felt like it would sh was showing up for me is that. Creating a course on something that feels like it could be intangible and isn't promising, um, you know, 20 new clients by the end of the month, or, you know, a hundred K in a hundred days, or, you know, it [00:10:00] felt uncomfortable. So I had to take a moment and really think about.
My purity of intent, what I know that I want to be able to provide for others and what I know that I've experienced myself for years and years and, and also unknowing that anything worth doing is fucking scary.
So I now am feeling much better about it. It's still, I'm not trying to sugarcoat anything. Like, yes, I feel excited to have distilled it and to be able to like put my finger on it and be like, oh, that is it. That is it. That's why it's so fucking hard. Um, [00:11:00] but.
I think that it's a beautiful parallel right to the whole experience.
I think that when we create echo chambers of. what we value and believe within our lives in different areas. We create comfort and trust in ourselves. Um, and sometimes we can't name it, but we can feel it. Uh, it takes me a long time. Sometimes it takes me a long time to be able to articulate. , uh, the rightness of something and the wrongness of something.
Uh, sometimes I know right off the bat, but for an example, I was recording my segment on [00:12:00] posing and how, how you never have to pose anyone. And I, I make explicitly clear in the video that I am not against posing. I actually feel that. , every single shoot that you're in, every person, every dynamic, every connection is a completely unique experience where, uh, it deserves to have this breadth of opportunity within it and not to be subject to, you know, hard lines because there could be an experience where posing someone actually feels really good and, uh, works.
But for me, putting this into a course form forced me to articulate that not only do I prefer a more natural [00:13:00] experience for the shoot, but it's deeper than that. Like my strategy for. using posing as a later resort for imposing my thoughts and desires for that person is one of my last resorts for the most part, because I deeply want to show people that they are enough as they are.
I want to be able to, with every click of my fucking.
Tell people over and over again, this is beautiful. This is beautiful, this is beautiful, this is beautiful.
And when I can do that with very minimal guidance, then [00:14:00] to me that subliminally tells them. as you are. As you are, as you are, as you are. I dunno why I'm getting so emotional. Um, but you see when you have that level of, and I'm, and there are so many ways that we have this level of connection that we're not even registering because it's so ingrained in us.
I, the last podcast episode I did. I can't believe it's taken me this long to say it out loud because I didn't put the thoughts together in a, um, in a way that I even realized to talk about it because it was so ingrained in me. So I'm sure that when you dig, you'll be able to find these. Synchronicities and these deeper reasons of why we're doing what we're doing in our craft.
And I [00:15:00] know that when we find those things, that each shd of that important evidence gives us a deeper trust and a knowing in ourselves. Because really this course that I'm doing, it's not about the picture. and naturally they, the, your photographs flourish and get deeper and enrich and become more dynamic as you do.
The photographs are the fucking la it's like the period at the end of a sentence. Honestly, when we turn our intention, our attention to our intentions, and when we think. The present moment and really how we can show up and just be here and see what is most important in the now. Everything else [00:16:00] will get figured out and yes, yes, I will answer technical questions if that's even relevant to you.
But the point here is that. I in creating something new, in creating this course that I haven't really seen before. I was getting so wrapped up in the end product and being so worried about what people will get, that I took myself out of the creation of it and my creation of it When I sat down and I'm talking to my camera.
and talking about the things that I feel the most strongly about, the things that have helped me give timeless experiences and photographs to clients for years have felt so good. I was like, oh yeah, [00:17:00] I just need to be present with what I'm making. Oh, . You know, think about if you have kids, it's so easy to worry about, oh my God, I just yelled at them.
Did I just fuck them up for life? And oh my God, am I gonna have to da da? And, oh, what do I do next time? Don't worry about it. If you go up to them right now, when you're having that fear right now, and you'd say, Hey, I lost my cool, and that was not cool. I'm really sorry for yelling at. . Mommy has big feelings sometimes, and I'm not always right.
Do you know how much
That's what matters. The kid doesn't know what you're thinking and what you're worried about, and what if your intentions are inside of you and you have, there's no way to communicate that and act on that
the other [00:18:00] day. . My son was really upset and Lee was like, we had gotten home from somewhere and he made the comment that he was hungry, like in passing, and I heard him, but then I was putting my youngest to bed and as I was put my youngest to bed, I hear him like kicking and screaming and crying and it was like this whole big thing with my partner putting him in his room.
And then I go in there and he's sobbing and he's hysterical. . I finally, he's like, mommy, I'm hungry. And I was like, oh yeah, I remember you saying that. Okay, let's go get something to eat. So then we walked downstairs and he's like finally like getting himself together. And when he is calm enough, his father and I were sitting there and I said, you know, daddy can't read your mind.
And mommy wasn't there. And you know, to remind him that you were hungry, you. , why didn't you tell him you were hungry? Mommy and daddy [00:19:00] expect you to listen to us when you know when we're trying to talk to you. But we also listen to you. We listen to you Cashy, and whatever you say, we wanna hear, we want. We need to hear what you need and what you want and what you feel.
And he took like a really long. and he goes, oh my God, I'm gonna cry again. I'm like, water works today. He goes, Aw, thank you so much guys. That's very nice to you. Like he , he understood and internalized that way deeper than I thought he could.
Whatever it is in your life that's not feeling good. At this point in time, I'll, I'll challenge you to ask yourself two questions. Let me think. I'm coming up with this on the fly [00:20:00] as I do everything else. Um, one. , does it not feel good Because there's something that's misaligned, that's incongruent, something that doesn't feel like you, like your purity of intent in every one of the layers, even if it's just like a tiny aspect that is a should that you really don't feel impassioned about, get it out of there, it'll feel so much better.
Or two, or is your mind. or, and is your mind 14 kilometers down the road at possible outcomes? Are you in the future or in the past versus being present with what is and what you can actually do right now out?
Oh boy. Anyway, that, I mean, that. [00:21:00] what? Yesterday or the day before? Literally I was in tears over, over this and as I was, so I'm, I'm in, uh, a mastermind that's actually coming to an end and I'm very sad about it, but I, it felt really important to. , go into that Facebook group and just talk it through and be like, why?
It doesn't make sense. Why am I feeling like this? I believe so deeply in this, but, and then as I was talking, when we give ourselves the space, give ourselves the space to be and express and emote, I could hear myself. I like gave , I gave myself the answer. I haven't even heard back yet. I'm like, I don't need to because I figured it out.
and we all have the power of doing that if we just give ourselves some space and stillness. Anyway. All right. I think that's it for today. [00:22:00] I have to run and pick up my son from daycare, and tonight I have my very first class. I have signed up for a. Certification in neurolinguistic programming, and it starts tonight with Haley Carr.
I am so excited. Um, it's a six month program. I'm just so intrigued by it, and I, I haven't done something outside of like yoga. I haven't done something for me that wasn't directly. my work. Like my, I know this is actually indirectly, this is going to impact everything, but it's out of my pure curiosity and pure, um, enthusiasm for learning and just wanting to dive deeper into something that I didn't even know knew existed [00:23:00] less than a year ago.
So I'm very, very excited. I need more of that in my life. I can silo myself off very. So if, if that's you, maybe here's your sign to do something outside of your, of your loving tunnel, cuz that's what I feel like I do as I sit here and talk to you in my black basement. Okay. That is it for today. Um, thank you for your ears.
I hope you've got something valuable out of this. If you are, if you are a photographic artist and if you are interested in learning, uh, when I launched this course, go to the link in the show notes. I'll put that there. I'm also doing a free workshop, um, by the end of the month, and that is so that we can.
Sit together in a Zoom room and talk about what we want to see, what we want to see [00:24:00] in this new year. So none of the pressure of, you know, what do we wanna do, what do we wanna get done, what do we wanna achieve? Um, we're really, you know, making a meaningful nod to our impulse to photograph our lives and our daily snapshots.
And thinking about just what are some things we want to see more. Or something new. Um, I'm really, really, really excited about it. We have already a few signups. I cannot wait to schedule it. And, um, if you want to be on that list, you can head to the link in the show notes for that as well. Okay. That's it for today.
Have a b to the rest of your week and I'll catch you next time.