This is something I don't see talked about and not only is it a very common occurrence in my life, but keeping perspective on this topic is key for managing my energy and feeling good with my creation process & myself.
Today's podcast topic is so engrained in me that it took me 68 episodes to even realize this it is an important thing to talk about.
I am deeply grateful for my way of seeing…but sometimes it doesn't feel good.
When you see the 47 layers of meaning in everything you see from the sun coming through the window in a strange way to weeds growing through cracks in the sidewalk, it can be so energizing & exhilarating- but it can also feel like shit.
It's easy to not do something about what you don't see. But when you see something profound, you feel an impulse- a responsibility- to honor it in some way. To help others see it. To engage with it. To not “take it for granted” by just moving past it.
Often times this is taking a photograph.
But just because you see it doesn't mean it is your duty to create something- even though it sure as hell can feel like it sometimes.
I don't have any grand solutions or ways to “fix” this. I don't even believe it needs to be fixed. I just believe it needs to be talked about. Shedding light on it lightens the heaviness of it. It can help us soften and relax into our gifts.
Dare I say- relax into the pure enjoyment of your gifts rather than posture at the compulsion to do.
(^^^As I type this I laugh at how much I need to hear this.)
If you love this conversation and want to dream into enjoying your vision in 2023 with me, sign up for my upcoming free workshop- The Help Me See Visioning Workshop
More from Bianca:
Book Your NLP Breakthrough Session
Meditations for Photographic Artists:
Free weekly coworking: PHOTO yoga
Monthly Membership: Nostalgia, Now.
[00:00:00] All right, so I'm having one of those days where I just feel like I'm in a permanent state of about to burst out crying. Um, , and something that's been weighing on my mind is this idea that just because we can see. and have a knowing over the beauty and the [Sound] [Sound] It doesn't mean that we're beholden to at acting on it every single time or process. deeply and thoughtfully every single time. Mm-hmm. , I think that's a part of the problem when I feel like oftentimes we can talk about and blanket things as being a perfectionist or [00:01:00] oh, you know, taking it too seriously or, you know, but I, it's, it's definitely more than that and I'm talking.
the way we move through life, the way we create our art, our work, uh, the things we choose to do and not do. I think a lot of it has to do with when something is important to you. Here I will, I'll, I'll speak in terms of myself when something is really important to me. I do two things. I either. , I drop everything I'm doing and consume myself with it and can't do any, like, cannot focus on anything else, and that's what I'm hyper focused on.
Or because there's too much going on and I can't solely focus on that. It's so important to me that I put it off to the side. Um, and delay because it's overwhelming. I can, I can go too deep with it and I don't feel like I have the proper time [00:02:00] and space and bandwidth, emotional bandwidth and time bandwidth to go as deep as I want to on a given subject or, you know, piece of art or whatever it is.
And this can look in like many different things. Um, oftentimes for me, if I, if I'm gonna talk about outside, The creation mode of my art. Um, I experience this with responding to, uh, praise or thanks or something, something positive about myself or, you know, about the work I create. Sometimes it's, it's really, it feels so tender to me, like it means so much to me.
It feels like impossible to say anything back that really accurately communicates like how important it is to me, and it feels daunting and it feels, um, . It feels almost [00:03:00] pointless sometimes. It's really, really strange. Um,
yeah. So then I can go into the cycle. Postponing, um, acting on something because I, I really wanna marinate on it and obviously that can have different, you know, just acting like that, acting like that, not acting like that, but going about that root of action. Um, can cause feelings of guilt and pressure and anxiety of like wanting to move with it, but feeling paralyzed by it.
And then, you know, who knows what the perceptions is on that. But really, if we're being honest, that's none of our business. Like we're, we have too much to worry about then to worry about what other people are thinking and, um, you know, what stories they're making up about us. But, Point, point being back to the subject at hand.
Well, we [00:04:00] aren't the subject at hand, but, oh my gosh. Can you just hear my voice? I'm having one of those days. I wa I really wanna speak to the idea that
it feels like a very beautiful and heavy responsibility to have the gift. This acute vision, this, this vision where we can see a moment and feel like we can see 47 layers of what it means and how it feels and what it means in 50 years and what it meant two years ago. And it's all swirling around your brain as you're looking at.
child, take a shit. I don't know. You know, , it's like, it's just, it's so nuts. It's so nuts and it's a beautiful gift. But I, I wanna just say, I don't have a, [00:05:00] a fix for it. I don't have a solve. I just want to offer some relief and some support over. over the idea that I, I see that and I see you seeing that. Um, and it also doesn't mean that you have to do anything about it.
Uh, a long time ago, like last year, I remember giving this example because I felt it so hard in the moment. You know, there are times where I can see a beautiful thing.
And know that I quote unquote, should be present for that, like my kid's taking a bath. But I also feel exhausted by it, and I want to remove myself from the movement and I don't wanna have to do anything about it. And I think that that is a hundred percent just as valid because that's [00:06:00] being present for yourself.
you know, we obviously can't create when we're so drained that there's nothing to give. Uh, so I do, I don't know. I have kind of a controversial, um, viewpoint on this. I, I know that there's a lot of talk about discipline and showing up for your craft, and if you wait until you're inspired every single time, then you know X, Y, Z, and I totally get that, and I respect.
but I think you have to be aware of how you function and how you feel and be really connected to your emotional capacity with this work. Um, the work of being a photographic artist and not just a photographic artist. Any, anyone that associates.
being able [00:07:00] to see to the point where they feel almost sick by it. , I remember the first time I visited California and we were driving from Southern California to Northern California, and I was so absolutely awestruck mean. I had never seen anything like it. I grew up in Florida, it's flat, and I never realized how unhappy I was in my surroundings.
I was like, we were stopping every, I don't even know, 20 minutes and like taking pictures and I was, my mouth was on the floor. But then I get to the point where my partner would be like, Hey, look at that. And I was like, almost with my head and my knees up. Maybe it was a little bit of car sickness, but I was like, I just can't, I can't look at anything else.
I am so exhausted by the beauty, like I. Physically , like done. Um, it's too [00:08:00] much of a good thing. I just can't even register it. And sometimes I can feel that when I'm looking at my, at my kids or if I read something or I see a photograph, someone hook. that hits me so intensely that I don't even wanna look at it anymore.
It's like, I can't bear it. Can you relate to this for the love of everything in the universe? If you do, can you message me and tell me about it? Because , sometimes I feel like I talk about this and there's blank looks on faces, and I would love to know. I know I'm not the only one. I know this for damn sure.
and I also don't have anyone immediately close to me that that release. Uh,
so, so I just wanna give space for that in this, I wanna give space for this idea that [00:09:00] your gift of vision is not meant to imprison.
I feel like I have to say that again cuz I wanna cry again. , your gift is not meant to imprison you. You are not handcuffed to every gorgeous thing you see.
Let it help you to feel free. When I feel this pressure, when I feel like so engulfed, I put my camera down.
unless I'm in a session , I, um, I give myself a break. I go a long time without photographing my family or my life with my regular, like with my actual camera, I'll still do it with my phone because there's a freedom and there's a lightness that I experience when I photograph [00:10:00] my life with my phone. It.
less pressury to me in a way. So that's just how I move, um, with my photographic practice. And I invite you to explore that because, um, if that's not something that you've done, our phones now are, they're so great as well that, you know, if I take a picture with my phone that I really deeply, really love and it's an outlier, I'll go.
Send it to my computer and then I'll edit it in my editing software as well and just further push it to look like how my soul wants it to look. Um, but I digress. Um,
so this permission to pause and this permission to.
Your nervous system and your brain and your heart. Understand what it's like [00:11:00] to be able to see something that's important and beautiful and let it go when you are not in the space to do something with it, to create with it to keep it. isn't the fact that your understanding and seeing how beautiful it is and acutely aware of the impermanence of it, , doesn't that in that same breath also mean that we must find and be at peace with letting it go and much to our.
Much to our, what's the word? Much to our devastation, . Sometimes that means we do not have photographic evidence of it.
I [00:12:00] also think that those moments are really important and I don't think that they're in vain, obviously. I think that, or maybe not, obviously. Um, even if we're in danger of forgetting,
I think those moments, that get to us and sink into our knowing and understanding of having just witnessed something beautiful. It stays in our DNA almost. I feel like it,
your, your vision, your brain, your body will recognize. the next time. It's in a moment. Similar to that, because we recognize patterns, right? Like we, I mean, neurologically, we're always in a loop of somewhere, right? So like the more we're [00:13:00] conscious of those moments, the more we'll we'll see them, you know, regardless of having a camera in your hand or.
Something I talk about in, um, my course Manifest Your Memories. It's, it's basically about, about this, what we're talking about in this idea of, uh, being able. More consciously see and understand your relationship with your photo taking and the role it plays in seeing the life you're meant for. Um,
There's like an exercise. There's a couple exercises in being able to see your nostalgia now, like ways to process being in a moment and being able to apply this like hindsight view of. Of [00:14:00] time traveling in a second, like 50 years from now and being able to see it in that light while, while you're in that moment.
And it's kind of what happens to me now fluidly and very naturally, almost like a second hand, just throughout my day. Like there are times where I feel like I wish I could just like blink or snack or snap. You know, Twitch my nose like Bewitched. Ever seen Bewitched? I don't know. I used to watch, um, shows that no one else in my age group watched because I have older parents , um, and be able to like imprint that and get that photograph.
But even if I don't get the photograph, I trust that I'm not only seeing, but I'm feeling. And experiencing more of the life I'm meant to live. And it's all a result of my photographic practice, honestly, whether or not my camera or my phone is present. [00:15:00] And that's a really beautiful thing. So, you know, with this conversation, with this idea of
being exhausted by your gift, by the beauty of the world, by the complexities that you are able to understand in any given moment of a day.
I hope that you can find a sense of peace and calm and freedom, and ease, and just the permiss.
In knowing that you are not responsible to do anything with the moment that you're seeing , you are not handcuffed [00:16:00] to your craft, you're not handcuffed to your gift.
You really do get to just enjoy it. You don't have to do anything. All you have to do is see. And if you don't wanna do that, maybe close your eyes. But knowing you, knowing me, probably just think about it.
oh my gosh. Um,
I am obviously in the car. I'm sure you've heard car noise. Uh, I had to go pick up a prescription for my son who has a double ear infection. Uh, had absolutely no idea. He's acting totally like himself, just a little bit congested. So that has been a eventful morning. Um, [00:17:00] I honestly just felt so depleted in every way today that I, I went into my basement to just edit pictures from a, a recent newborn session that I did, and I found myself thinking about this again, like I was thinking about this this morning before my, um, day started, before I went to the doctor's appointment.
And then even after, because when I was editing the photos, I also found myself wander. Into, like, I, I love the photos I took at the session so much, and I'm seeing through the editing process so many more moments and so much, you know, ways I could have pushed it, like visually, uh, in the pictures it took, and also just such happy quote unquote accidents.
I don't know that anything's really an accident, but. [00:18:00] And then I just stop. I'm like, what am I doing? Like this is exactly the pictures that I was meant to have taken at this moment, and the fact that I'm seeing these. Images in a different light, um, is not only a gift and something that I could also portray through the editing process, but something that I will take with me on the next shoot.
Uh, I know with every single shoot any one of us does, you know, whether it's uh, professional shoot or photographs, you're just taking in your day-to-day life as you recognize different things that come up. Um, you're forever changed.
The learnings, the experience, the emotional processing, uh, of each experience impacts every photo you take going forward. And, um, [00:19:00] I just hope we can all find rest and ease and
love, comforting, love in, in knowing. Is just a compounding practice. This is a compounding gift. This is a compounding life, and every single square inch event is.
Giving us something. Love it. Hate it. Indifferent, . All right.
Until next time. Oh, wait, what am I saying? Uh, I am going to schedule our, uh, Kind of Happy New Year 2023. Help me see visioning workshop, um, pretty soon. So if you want to be involved in that, uh, it is a free workshop where we're gonna be talking about basically [00:20:00] this, um, , uh, in a different way, in more of a, you know, dreaming into what is it that you want to see, uh, in the 2023 year.
So less about. What are the goals? What do you wanna do and get done? And, uh, what's your word? I mean, I don't have anything against any of that. I find I get energized by that sometimes. Um, sometimes a lot, sometimes not at all. Uh, but that's not what this visioning workshop is about. This is about. Just taking a moment to pause, breathe, um, find excitement in the fact that your camera, or your phone camera is something that is going to help you see more of the life you want to see, uh, throughout this year.
And taking a pause and considering what it is that you wanna see and kind of turn on, turn on your [00:21:00] brain's impulse to start searching. Those things in the background. So check out the show notes link and sign up if you want to hop on a Zoom with me and talk through all of that magical goodness.
I will also be letting you know about, uh, my programs opening up for this year. If you wanna work more closely and intimately on your. Your vision, whatever is calling to you in this season. Uh, I'll give you more info there as well. Okay. I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week and I will catch you next week.