What if we stop obsessing over why something we did well was just a fluke/doesn't count or on the flip side- stopped trying to dissect it in order to come up with the formula for replicating and increasing efficiency.
Sometimes trying too hard or questioning too much causes us to lose the thing that is so beautifully meant for us.
In this episode I also give you a new year's exercise that is very connected to "Help Me See" <3
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Input 1 - Built-in Microphone: [00:00:00] Hello. Hello and welcome to another episode of help me see. I hope that you were.
Holiday was everything that you hoped. It would be. Um, mine was not.
Mine was not, but. I also think it was perfect in its own way. , My kid was sick. I'm sitting here Googling. Uh, urgent care hours on like Christmas Eve and Christmas day. And like, It just couldn't get anything.
To go, according to plan, I ended up. Crying in my room at some point. Because of a. , relationships, snafu and. It was just, but it was also good in a weird way too. There's just, there's been so much going on and. , it's really been top of [00:01:00] mind. To me lately about. How. , good and joy and happiness is not.
The absence of hardship.
But it's finding. Love in, in it and in, in all of it and in all the ways. And I think that, that it kind of, I draw a parallel to the way I photograph and that notion. Because some of the times where I've felt most alive in my craft and in a shoot it's, when I know I'm seeing something. Really special out of something that I initially felt like was a constraint.
And that's one of my favorite things to do. And I, I kind of been mentioning loosely, probably here. That I'm looking for ways. Two. Take that. [00:02:00] Skill or way of being, and try to be like that in my normal life without a camera. It's it's funny. When it's hard. Anyway. Something I wanted to talk about today was this thing that's been happening and it's related to ways of seeing, , and that's a lot of what we talk about here. He has a way of seeing your life. And.
Lately, when I'm finding myself. In a moment and I hope that this is something that you can. If, if it intrigues you, you can explore in your own life. And I'd actually love to hear if you do, ,
I'll find myself in a moment. Where all of a sudden. I feel like.
And knowing, like, it's hard to describe. It's like, , Th the thing I say all the time is seeing your nostalgia now. But there's these moments of like, Peak. Presence mate, maybe that's what it is. It feels like peak [00:03:00] presence. But I don't know. I kind of feel like that's odd to say too, because part of me is like, well,
Isn't when you're the most present, you're not aware of presence and not you're so present that you're thinking about being present. Oh, fuck. I think the biggest problem that we have is trying to be a certain kind of presence. And that really stops us, stops the whole thing before it started. , But yeah, there is a version of presence in which I'll be in a moment.
And I just. Feel dropped in, in the way that it's almost like I'm floating above my body and I can. I try to lean in. So I'll try to like either close my eyes or I breathe in deeply, or I like.
Hold my breath. I don't know. There. I just whatever feels right in that moment. Like for instance, I think it was Christmas day or Christmas Eve, whichever one. [00:04:00] My, I was playing with my youngest and he kept running to me and barreling towards me and laughing. And we were doing it over and over again. And then I just like gotten a trance with it and I just.
It was looking at him, run towards me and like leap onto me and like, hang on my neck. And I just was trying to like, In bed. I just felt like, uh, like this is one of those, this is, this is one of those, this is. If you, if you have been listening to those baguettes, For a while. That's probably the most.
That's the most, this podcast. I could say. Yeah. And I'll, and it's funny because. It's a hearkening back to.
Manifest your memories. My first, my first course. Where I talk about like different ways to drop deeper into a moment. And, um, So I find myself doing [00:05:00] that more often. And.
What's interesting about that to me. Is the relationship between.
Photographing. Moments. That are that. Okay.
Be patient with me here. Because I'm trying to describe something that feels very abstract in my mind. And, , But very, also very visceral, like specific.
So something that I used to feel a sort of way about, and it's definitely progressed and changed and morphed over time. Is that. A few years ago or more, I think. I was having this.
Turbulence in my mind about looking at the photos I took. And feeling like they, I loved [00:06:00] them. I'm like, this looks more dramatic than the moment. And I'm like, oh, how do I feel about that? Like am I contriving something like this moment happened? It's here. I took the photo.
The moment felt later than this looks. So. , I rifled with that and I thought about my role as the artist. , and how I do not feel.
Black and white over. Documentary versus fine art versus, posed and candid. And. Aye. Aye. I really value of fluidity and all of it. And I think that that's my happy place is. Floating around. , the different types of experiences that, that it really can be. And I, I love to infuse. , a more artful approach also,, just to.
Have my [00:07:00] client experience. A moment that helps them. C more through my eyes. Right? So like if the whole time I'm always just making sure to not say a word and not pose anyone. Well, not, I mean, a generally don't pose at all. But, even so like if my whole objective was to not to influence anything.
Then, I kind of feel like.
If they came to me because they value my vision. If I don't have any sort of input on what's happening.
They're not getting a chance to experience. What a real life moment. Would be leaning into, from my perspective, like. If we're sitting in a room and I'm like, Hey, actually, can you sit over here? This light is really beautiful. Like just saying that. Instead of just like trying to get them in the [00:08:00] spot that feels like the best for my, , whatever I want to produce. If I explain a little bit or if I.
, it just interject in some way. Then maybe after I'm gone, they'll look at that spot differently
anyway, How did I get here? How did I get to this place when I'm talking about okay. Um, so I, a couple of years ago, I had this feeling about the mismatch between the experience and the photograph in some way. Okay. So I'm just tracking with myself. So then.
I think about this idea of how we so often discredit.
Ourselves in our lives. When we do things. And they feel like a fluke and it feels like it wasn't on purpose and it feels like. Um, I just got lucky. Uh, in terms of anything. Life stuff. you can even talk about it in terms of, of being a photographer and photographing a session. Um, [00:09:00] an artist.
, of any sort. I think everyone's artists in their own. Right.
And something that I've come to feel.
And no for myself. Is that.
A, it doesn't matter. And B.
It wasn't a fluke. Whatever you did.
And I'm not just trying to be like rose colored glasses, like over here. Mashika. She goes, she, whatever you did in that moment. You lived your whole life.
You, whatever schooling you did, whatever life experiences you have, whatever. Combinations of movies, you watched whatever. What the fuck ever. You. Happened in your life. All plays a role in the person that you are in that moment that produced whatever it was, whether it was a reaction, it was something you [00:10:00] did. Uh, it was a piece of art you made. It was something you participated in.
There's so many influences., on you. That magically curate. What comes to be and what comes forward and. Whether you were conscious or not, I think is besides the point in many ways, So. Coming back to.
That idea that I'm like, oh, this moment. It didn't feel like that from. For me in that experience. And it really looks like that.
But I don't know what the client's experience was or the, whoever I was photographing. And then even now I'm photo I'm editing a photo session. And there are many photos that I took that I love. And I don't actually remember taking them. And so part of me was thinking, , that stupid thing again, [00:11:00] where I'm like, oh, I wonder how I can.
, be more intentional while taking these and the Nash next shoe, and really leaning into this and what, and yes, there's merit of course, in. And reflecting. And wanting to hone a skill of course, but when you try to find a formula. And a strategy and everything, and try to like, get the most out of it and be the most efficient and.
Input 1 - Built-in Microphone: I think you lose it. I think it's lost when you try that hard. When you try to. Figure out a recipe. For something that was like a stroke of divine magic. , I what I believe in most and actually how I'm forming my upcoming course. Is this. Guiding principles. Right. I don't enjoy rules. I don't [00:12:00] enjoy how to, because there's a bajillion different ways to slice., every single thing you can do in your life and with the camera and like, whatever it is you're doing.
But I think that once we. Do more work. And once we allow ourselves to really sit and. Witness our lives, the way we're viewing our lives, the way we're working, uh, in our craft.
We open ourselves up to more.
Something I think about is. My extreme cropping sometimes. Sometimes I'll take an image and I will. See in that image, what really mattered? What really is so beautiful. And.
like cheating or I should've got in camera or it doesn't matter. I can't do it because what if they want to print it [00:13:00] in a, , 11 by 17, it's not going to be high enough resolution. Like. No. I just go with it. And maybe that will inform. , my shoot next time, maybe, , whatever, whatever happens from that as beautiful. But.
If I see something. I'm not questioning it in a way of trying to dissect it and find the anatomy of how I can replicate it.
And that might sound dumb, but.
Take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, because.
These life lessons that I find within my work is something that. I'll think about it while I'm editing. And then all of a sudden I'll relate it to my life and like take the photo part away from it. And I'm like, ah, Oh, yes.
Think about it. When something. Really sweet habits or your kids to something really sweet to you or whatever. you can't. Force that to happen [00:14:00] again. You can't replicate, you can, what's the most beautiful part of it is that you can find your awareness. Ah, just the recognition. That's that's what I say about photographs. Like.
The fact that you decided to take a picture just that. Regardless of the picture. Is so beyond gorgeous.
And surely. You will see more things like that. You will experience more things like that. Moving forward. When you take a moment to pause.
It's so funny. I, I was going through Pinterest the other day and, um,
I had sent, I came across the pen. Something a really love is printing, um, writing, like writing, or just like other objects that aren't even photographs. And multimedia stuff and, um, There was this like grease, stained. A recipe. Handwritten recipe on a piece of paper that was framed in a floating frame. And I'm like, isn't that [00:15:00] so funny?
It looks like a piece of art. It is absolutely stunning. And there's something about someone forcing you to look at it and it not being. , shuffled off, , in a stack of papers or, , in other contexts, it's put on a wall and put in a frame and that is your cue to be like, Hey, look at this.
This is worthy of a frame. And that's what it is when you're taking a photo, you're looking at something through a frame. , whether it's your viewfinder on your camera or the, , the frame of your phone on your phone camera.
And no matter what it is. The fact that you must pause. When you're looking at that.
It never stops. Fascinating me. Can I feel like a broken record. Sometimes I hope that I. Uh, explain all these things that I have going on in my head. [00:16:00] In a way that feels.
The way that feels like it makes a semblance of sense. Um, It's the only way I know how to talk about it.
And in regards to. Feeling. Like you did it on purpose or not, or you saw in that moment or you didn't or. , the dreaded, I wish I knew how important that was at the time. Conversation.
Isn't the fact that you saw it at all.
No, that you were finally able to see it, no matter what point in the process it was. Because if you didn't see it earlier, it's because you weren't ready to see it.
In life and in art.
I intended for this episode to be about new years.
So how can I [00:17:00] bring this around to new years? Because this is the episode before. Before the new year, this is the last episode. Of 2022, right. Let me see. Yep. All right.
So, what do I feel about that? Uh, what do you feel about that? Why are you listening to this podcast?
What. No, that's a serious question. I'm not even joking. So. This is a pretty broad, yet specific.
Podcast about seeing, help me see, help me see.
My camera helps me see and talking about stuff like this. Outside of my own brain. Verbally being forced to say the things that I think. Helps me see better. And I hope that. As you hear it, it helps you. [00:18:00] See and pick up on different things and aspects and nuances. Within your life. So.
I I'd say something that I plan on doing. Is reflecting on the things I saw. Oh, maybe I'll do a bonus episode because this sounds, this feels very important. before new years. reflecting on. The most important let's do this. Let's do this together. It's coming in right now and the president, which is why it's mumbly.
Why don't you make a list? If you feel so inclined. Of what feels important? Like the things you saw this year.
All of it. It doesn't have to be. Good. It doesn't have to be the bat. It just, whatever comes to mind of like important things you saw this year. And I really do encourage you to take a stab at it the first time, just cold Turkey, just make a list of things I [00:19:00] saw.
And then. That feel important. And then take a minute and go into your, either your Google photos or your iCloud, whatever it is, uh, that you keep your photos like your personal life photographs or both personal life and professional photographs. If you do photography.
And look through. The photos from the beginning of the year. Until now. Oh, what a trip, what a trip it is. And then add in whatever feels important and it'll be really interesting to see. What you didn't add what you didn't remember until you looked at the photograph and saw, right. Ah, this is good. This feels good.
Um, and then after you do that exercise, Only then can we think about. What is it that you. Want to see more of, or want to see for [00:20:00] the first time. In 2023.
Hmm, I'm excited. I'm going to do this. let me know if you do this, you can. I'm on Instagram at Bianca, Leah Maura, a L E a is Leah. And, You can message me if you end up doing this exercise.
And I also want to offer. Something.
Before you go about your reflection or maybe. If you already have. Just in regards to reflecting over. What has happened in the year? I think really. Often we can. Get down on ourselves about the things that we said we do that we didn't do.
Accountability is important.
I also. Really think that there's a [00:21:00] super important aspect. Too.
Not doing something you said you would do. For yourself. Um, That needs to be acknowledged. And that is.
Respecting the fact that sometimes there's a subconscious.
Mindful. Procrastination going on.
I don't know if you've heard of this. I read about this once a while ago. I didn't really do much digging, but it resonated with me. Because I related, I just. I know that sometimes I'll put off doing something and I put it on, like, why am I putting this off? Like, it doesn't make sense. It's not something that's hard or it's something that I enjoy.
And then something happens. And I. And it all clicks. I'm like, oh, I was like marinating on this and it didn't feel right. And it didn't feel a certain way, but I didn't [00:22:00] have words for that. So of course I start judging myself and lashing out and saying that I'm a procrastinator and why can't I just get my shit together and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So an example, I will give you of something that I did not accomplish this year, that I had every intention to. And I said multiple places that I was going to, and I'm glad that I didn't. was writing my book. So I started writing a book. And. I would get in a few surges of like, ah, yes, this feels good. This feels good. And then I would.
Just radio silence myself. And it just.
I'm just now starting to understand why. And it was because I was forcing myself into doing a format that just didn't. It intuitively just wasn't me. So now I plan on picking it up again. In the new year and just leaning into doing it, whatever way feels best. I [00:23:00] didn't even realize I was trying to force myself into like a certain format.
That just. Didn't work for me. But imagine if I was like, no. I said I was going to do it and I'm going to do it. And I hammered it out and I like, felt so uncomfortable and it was just like going against every, it was a natural for me, , it's just.
I'm really glad that I didn't push through that and like keep working on it. I mean, maybe I would've kept working on it and then. Started all over. There's that too. But.
I don't know. I think that we can all. All.
Find value in being gentler with ourselves. And not assuming.
Not assuming wrongdoing or negligence or, , Just anything. Negative as our first line of defense. When thinking about. What we want to do or what we haven't done [00:24:00] or. , all this resolution talk that goes around at this time.
I mean, it's just funny. It's like a sugar pill, right? It's like, okay. A ball drops and all of a sudden I'm in a new section of my life because a ball dropped on TV and the numbers changed, , it's all. Kind of make-believe, but. I enjoy the notion of a fresh. Start and. And just like a mental separation.
But the pressure that comes with that. If it doesn't serve you. Let it go. ,
All right. All right folks. That's what I have for you. That's to have for you tonight. I,
Super tired. I actually have a newborn. Shoot to do tomorrow morning. We're just going to drink. Coffee and have a quiet summer morning and take photos. And. There's nothing really [00:25:00] planned. I love the, the couple messaged me and asked like, oh, what should she wear? And it. Uh, and I was like, ,
Whatever. She's in the most right now, unless you have a sentimental outfit that you really love or. , you had that specific vision for something because. , whatever's real for you right now is what you want to remember. And honestly, my favorite. Thing to have had my babies in when they were young and I was taking pictures, but it's either just a diaper or swaddle because that's what they were normally in.
So I'm really excited about that. And. I think that's it. That's all that I have going on. I have, I do. I, I am still launching my, my course in the early coming year. So if you want to get on the wait list, if you're a photographic artist, that's looking to deepen your vision and find.
Creative freedom and calm and trust and peace. Uh, in yourself [00:26:00] and confidence really in. The intentional nature in which you choose to photograph your clients. Then get on the wait list so you can learn more about it. It's called your bigger picture. And I'm very, very excited to be teaching that and I'm opening up the program. So.
Check out the show notes to find the link to get on that wait list. So you will be emailed information and that's it. I hope. You have an absolutely beautiful week and new year's. And I will. Talk to you soon.