Help Me See

When You Decide to Save Yourself: Live By Design, Not Default with Kate House

August 17, 2022 Bianca Morra Season 2 Episode 49
Help Me See
When You Decide to Save Yourself: Live By Design, Not Default with Kate House
Show Notes Transcript

“But it's a really good job.”
"But it's good money."
“But it's what I went to school for.”
"But everyone else thinks it's a good idea."
“But it makes sense.”
“But I've never seen it done any other way.”

There is so much magic in our lives rationalized away

Discarded and discredited because it doesn't carry the weight or merit of the masses. Of popular consensus. 

Of easily understood.

and I firmly & ever so eloquently say, “eff. that.”

This life is precious and it flies by. It's not meant to live on the default setting.

It's like buying an expensive piece of technology and not customizing your experience of it. Not taking advantage of your ability to move the apps around and favorite your preferences. Just leaving it as is and not leaning into what lights you up makes the whole thing more clunky and way less enjoyable.

I don't want my life to feel clunky and unenjoyable.

There are ways, BIG & SMALL that we can design our experience & curate our contributions to this world.

Today we have podcast host and coach Kate House on sharing her story of leaving her 9-5 and completely starting over in the name of saving herself. And let me be clear- this is not in any way discrediting corporate life or more traditional paths- at all. The heart of this conversation is solely about recognizing what is draining life out of you and what makes you feel ALIVE. Whatever that may be.

Designing your world around those distinctions will change your life. 100%.

Join us in the conversation & reply here to let me know what comes up for you. <3

More from Kate:
https://mskatehouse.com/podcast
https://www.instagram.com/mskatehouse/



More from Bianca:
www.biancaleamorra.com

Free weekly coworking: PHOTO yoga

Monthly Membership: Nostalgia, Now.

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[bianca_morra]:

ello hello and welcome to another episode of help me see today is a special one that

[kate_house]:

oh

[bianca_morra]:

we have miss kate house in the house today a podcast host she has a coach she is my new best friend

[kate_house]:

oh h

[bianca_morra]:

i was just on keith's

[kate_house]:

yeah

[bianca_morra]:

podcast a couple o weeks ago we recorded and we just have abigilin things in common so i cannot wait to have her here and bring her to all of you so high kate how are you and thanks for being here

[kate_house]:

oh my gosh bianca this is such a pleasure i like i said when we first stopped on our call i've been looking forward to this ever since our last chat because i got off our first call and i was telling my husband i was like i think met my new best like we lived many states apart but i found her

[bianca_morra]:

distance doesn't mean much it's fine here

[kate_house]:

exactly

[bianca_morra]:

we are my gosh well i mean if you guys enjoy

[kate_house]:

oh

[bianca_morra]:

help me see i am sure that you will have kate's podcast live by design

[kate_house]:

ah

[bianca_morra]:

rate so

[kate_house]:

yep that's

[bianca_morra]:

please

[kate_house]:

the

[bianca_morra]:

tell

[kate_house]:

one

[bianca_morra]:

us little bit about the live by design podcast and and then just about you and your story and just everything that's brought you here today

[kate_house]:

yeah absolutely thank you so much i love that question so i i founded a i started the live by design podcast back in july of twenty twenty and it was one of those things where it was like couple of months into the pandemic i had had it on my heart to like i wanted to start a podcast um and i just hadn't like i just hadn't done it right and i was like well my husband is working from now i have at that time i had a ten month old and a one and a half almost two year old and i was like well it's now or never like i'm never going to have as much help as i have right now in a full time stay at home mom and then i was like i've got more pockets of time now so i'm just going to do it and so i started the podcast really as a passion project i love this idea of being a lifelong learner getting to be in community with really incredible people so beyond people like yourself where the cool thing about posting up podcast is you get to meet all these people that come and guest on your show or when you go in there is and so you create this community of people who are all in my words like looking to live by design and and lived by design for me it's really about living by design and not by default and so i've tried to find the person who said this quote for the longest time i've seen it attributed to amelia air heart which i kind of love but i can't substantiate that claim but i heard i saw someone once this was like over a decade ago post a quote to like there facebookpagent said live by design not default and it just stuck with me i had like i have a rack up on my wall over here with all of my race medals i love to run i'm not fast i just get like finisher medals let's be clear i'm a i'm a slow teddy runner and i have them all hanging up and i ordered this sign of t s and it says live by design on it and i've had that for years before i ever started the podcast or founded the live by design co which is my business because it just it resonates so deeply with me and that really comes from i'm the oldest four in my family growing up and i have too much younger sisters all from the same parents they just kind of had us in pairs and my brother i was eighteen months younger than me and he was born with just a lot of hardship in his life that many of us don't have to face he was non verbal he was a type one diabetic um he had severe skeliosis and there were just a lot of things i was on the autisan spectrum there is just a lot that made life just more challenging for him in his day to day and my parents are incredible and found really great ways like we all learn sign language i communicate with him then i grew up going all of his physical therapy appointments and his appointment and all of that and that experience really shaped me as a as a young person because i real i was like wow what a gift that my body my physical body is as healthy as it is right now what a gift that i have the ability to speak like verbally with like what gift that i can wake up and i don't have to be you know checking my blood sugar and be insolent dependent and all of that and he had a beautiful life um and he actually just passed away recently by even in that it reminds me that life is such a gift and i talk about my brother in the very first episode of my show because he really is the inspiration for living by design and not by default end it's something that has brought so much purpose and passion and joy and just community and friendship into my life this pursuit of living by design and not defaulting through my days and getting to be like hopefully eighty or ninety years old i don't want to look back and be like oh dan i wish i had tried that thing i'd rather try and fail and at least know that i tried it right so that's where i live by design comes from it's all about just choosing the things in your life being really intentional with what you have in your life whether that's your friendships your relationships here have your career um and doing things that just make you feel joyful right like living with intention it doesn't have to be so serious or so heavy right it can be men into these practices of gratitude it can be cultivating joy it can be for me i love physical movement is really like it's good for my mental health more so than my physical health probably and so that means carving out time to go for a walk or run or time to hop on my peloton and like let my kids watch whatever they want to watch on net flix and i hop on the pike for you know thirty minutes and it's about making little pockets of time in your day just enjoying your life and so that's really like who i am and what i'm all about i should probably mentioned to you that i'm married to my college sweetheart and we actually live in the small town where we first met originally in gettysburg pensa you many moons ago as college freshman and i'm a mom to two little boys and now they are four almost five and three years old so they keep me on my toe so i joke that by day i'll stay at home mom and by night i'm a podcast host and a coach and those are two things that just really fill me up

[bianca_morra]:

my goodness where lie parallel universes i'm with my high or college sweetheart i have two boys around the same age

[kate_house]:

a

[bianca_morra]:

my catalyst or my business with the loss of my well so my dog which is literally the embodiment of intention

[kate_house]:

a

[bianca_morra]:

i always say he pulled the sacred intentionality

[kate_house]:

oh

[bianca_morra]:

out of me and it sounds like intentionality was kind of linked with your brother which so beautiful

[kate_house]:

hm

[bianca_morra]:

it is that do you think that is what propelled you into becoming a coach like where did you have a different job before like what

[kate_house]:

i

[bianca_morra]:

what's your journey like

[kate_house]:

yeah you know you guys can't see right now but i have like the biggest smile on my face because i'm like yes there's definitely a story to this right and isn't there always right because we love to share and guide and teach our own experience right and so for me what that looked like was growing up i was very much like a type a straight a student like if i gonna be the best of thing right off the bat i didn't even want to try like i was just so focused on like being valedictorian of my six grade class which is a true story you know a classic over achiever end you know that worked for a time and i made it through college and you know i did really well academically and all of that i graduated i started working like a traditional nine to five and i just lost like all of everything that makes me kate like vivacious and bubbly and unhappy i just like deflated a little bit in and i do five like um i worked in an office where everyone else in the u s worked from home and so i was by myself all day i like craved being around people m and the company worked for at the time for no fault of their own was growing our offers were expanding but our staff hadn't caught up yet and so i was in the season of having these nightmares that my email would crash you know i would i would come back from a weekend and i'd have three hundred unread emails and it was just really stressful and i i started to run during that time that really when i first started running like half marathons it was something i really looked forward to during my day and that was kind of one of the ways i was like i was coping with all of the stress and at that time in my life i didn't really know how to ask for help like in my career you know like hey i need assistance i can't keep doing this i was like i'll just work harder and longer which burnt me out even faster right so i started running and sure enough after like my first half my ham strings got so tight and i was like oh i saw that there was a yoga studio down the road maybe i should co check it out and had always been interested in mindfulness and m and i had done yoga in the past but i found in that yoga studio at home i found community i found people with similar interests the physical movements themselves were wonderful and life giving but it was more about learning from these teachers they would teach a class it wasn't just moving you through the physical practice they were they were teaching you about life and it was just so impactful for me and so so i'm in this job i'm like literally having thoughts on my way to work each day like i wonder if i could just get rear ended where like i don't get hurt and they don't get hurt but i don't have to go to work today like that was the point i was at and i was like that okay red flag like this is not good or healthy or sustainable and i finally had this moment where i'll never forget it i was sitting on the couch like on the arm of our couch when we lived in illinois my husband and i and i was just bawling i was just so overwhelmed with my work life lance and just feeling like i had like i didn't have a purpose and i'll never forget he was rubbing my back and he was like i just wish i could make it better and that was like like there's that term like an a moment but for me it really was it was like oh okay i have to like no one's coming to save me like i have to fix this i have to take responsibility for my life and not stay at the job that everyone tells me is great and tells me is a wonderful opportunity which it was but it just wasn't filling my cub like it wasn't life giving to me in any way and no that your career has to be life giving but it was like soul sucking at that point and so i had this moment of realizing like what i'm not changing choosing and i was like holy crap i have to change some things because i wouldn't choose this like twenty two year old man who graduated from college if she had seen herself at twenty five wouldn't have chosen how i was feeling and so to bring it full circle i left that position and i became a yoga teacher and i started teaching at that studio i started managing one of their locations and i just fell in love i loved guiding classes i loved connecting with students like all of that was just like it was so right and then we moved from illinois back to the east coast where we're from a ride ally when we wanted to start our family and that's when i became a coach because i was like okay well i can no longer teach these people in person but all my students were still really important to me and a lot of them had asked to work with me more in depth and when i would teach yoga i was always sharing about whatever i was reading which is usually like personal growth type books or empowerment and so i've been teaching them about like positive psycho g like just anything and everything that i was excited about and all of those things were always tied to intentional living they were always tied to this idea of living by design and nap default and so in a very very long winded answer to your question is that's how i came to coaching because i was like a right i want to stay connected with this community i want to connect with other people i want to reach back to people who are maybe one or two steps behind me and hopefully help them avoid the burn out the crash and burn and learn some of those warning signs ahead of time so that you can make shifts when needed maybe you don't have to do a hundred and eighty degree turn like i did maybe you can just make a ten degree turn right or you can start to implement these self care practices these love practices so that you don't get to that point of just like being like i love all my colleagues but i just can't do this anymore and just feeling physically exhausted and emotionally drained and mentally taxed that's really why i coach and why i started the podcast case i was like if i can just help one person then it's all worth it

[bianca_morra]:

i even hesitate to tell

[kate_house]:

i

[bianca_morra]:

you all of the other comments are do have because i feel

[kate_house]:

oh

[bianca_morra]:

like the listener is going to be like okay it's pretty annoying at this point there's just so much from like the schooling

[kate_house]:

yeah

[bianca_morra]:

and the

[kate_house]:

yeah

[bianca_morra]:

just everything at one point

[kate_house]:

yeah

[bianca_morra]:

i just i debated becoming a yoga teacher was just the whole thing i did not but what i want to drillinto more is like this feeling of the isolation that can happen when you are internally experiencing something that feels so bad and everything on the outside is looking at you like this that is great like this great

[kate_house]:

hm

[bianca_morra]:

job like n everyone else is fine and you're like why like i am

[kate_house]:

oh

[bianca_morra]:

i am privileged and i am this and i am not like why am i feeling so horrendous and the time that it takes to like really sit with yourself and let those feelings be validated by no one but yourself because i feel like

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

sometimes we

[kate_house]:

yeah

[bianca_morra]:

like we should just be lucky feel lucky we should just be you know thankful and use gratitude as like this weapon against ourselves you know and i know you said your ha moment was like okay no one's coming to save me but can you talk about i know it's more than that too because it's also the hump of okay i have to not that we all feel like we shouldn't have to explain ourselves but the reality is we all end up explaining ourselves to people

[kate_house]:

uh

[bianca_morra]:

what was that process when you're like okay i need to make a change this is what i'm doing um what was that like

[kate_house]:

yeah well that's such an insightful question and i'm not sure if i've ever been asked it in quite that way but i love it yeah so so here i am like twenty five years old when we married got a puppy like life was on the outside looked like wow this is picture perfect right and on the inside i was like oh my gosh like i am i just feel unfulfilled all that and so then here's me like i call her baby kate because she was still learning like who she was and here's like baby kate like going to tell her parents like your five bat hath a daughter is going to go become a yoga teacher like thanks for that helping me through this like incredibly privilege wonderful for your education at of college and now i'm going to go pay to get trained to be a yoga teacher and i'm so grateful for the path that i took because my college career very much informed who i am m help me become a really good learner and that's a big part of what i do now as i still continue learning and then i learn so that i can then teach and share my husband like so many great things right from my college perience but yeah it was really scary it actually makes me like a little sweaty to think about even now like almost a decade later of calling my parents and me like hey guys i'm actually like horribly unhappy right now and i have to make a change because from the outside i was working for a company where i got to travel to europe and spend time abroad and meet really fascinating people but most of the time i was in an office by myself and that just wasn't like i was never going to thrive in that environment and it was it was scary first to tell people and then this really beautiful thing happened where my colleagues especially at my job were like yes like you should go teach yoga like you're going to be such a good yoga teacher and it was so funny because i was just like you think so like i didn't even know i ever mentioned my interest in ga to you or this this pursuit of health and wellness um and that was just so wonderful because at that time i kind of needed i needed a little bit of that encouragement right because i hadn't quite yet developed that self confide it's muscle and i think a big part of it is i think i had a lot of people pleasing behaviors and i've worked really hard at releasing those ton of perfectionism have worked really hard at releasing that and that doesn't mean they don't come back they totally do but now have this ability the first thing i always teach no matter what i'm sharing is this ability to have awareness around whatever it is right so when i notice perfectionism creeping in i'm like oh awareness this is happening that's interesting like no judgment to yourself like no critical self talk like let that go just be like oh that's interesting i wonder what that's trying to tell me or wonder what triggered that or i wonder why that came up for me and then being like okay now i'm going to like let that go and move forward um and for perfection and specifically for me the best way to combat it is to just take action and do the thing that i'm trying to do perfectly and just tell myself like what something is done like done is better than perfect um so i would rather show up imperfectly uh and feel like i'm living by design then to just not show up at all right yeah and the cool thing that happens is so so this was a very circuitous path right i left the full time stable safe career i became a yoga teacher which was paid hourly right this was like a ver big career shift in terms of um reliability and all of that worked i worked so hard and that's when i first fell in love with podcasts actually because i drove i probably spent more money in gas money then i got paid to teach o ga classes the first six months that i taught but i just needed to get in studios and figure out how to get the words out of my mouth in a way that made sense to people and that's my story listening to paul cast i was like oh this is great here's the podcast about running oh this is great here's the podcast about learning and growing that's when i fell in love with this idea of the world of podcasting and at that time it never even occurred to me to host my own and i was like oh no that's like what like well established professionals do right i was still like baby kate but the cool thing that happens with each of these decisions that you make that feels an alignment for you so for me first it was becoming yoga teacher then it was becoming a health coach then it was starting my podcast you build this self confidence muscle you build this the sense that you can trust yourself to make decisions that you don't need some one to tell you what to do and and at a certain point you no longer need people to reaffirm you so when baby kate needed colleagues to be like oh you'd be a great teacher and that meant so much to me and i was so grateful for that now i'm a podcaster and i have all these big dreams and aspirations that i'm slowly building the foundation to grow towards but i no longer feel like when i say like i want to be a public author i don't feel the need for anyone to validate that for me i'm just like i'm going to do it because that is on my heart to do and it feels important and purposeful for me and so that's the cool thing that happens when you really start to listen to yourself you listen to those that little voice in the back of your head right that whispers those things to you like i remember before before i have ever voice that i wanted to be a yoga teacher one night we were driving home from dinner my husband just turned to me and was like you know baby i think you'd be a really good yoga teacher and i was like that's hilarious because i've been googling how do we go teacher and right it was so funny it was it was like like goose bumps you know it was just like oh my god you know me so well and then when i wanted to start the podcast one of my best s text me out the blue and was like hey i was just trying with my husband and we both think you should start a podcast and i was like that's hilarious because i've been thinking that i wanted to start start my own show and so that's the cool thing too is like the sometimes the universe i find will kind of send those little nods your way like hey the thought that you had like it was a good thought maybe you should like get a little curious about that right and maybe i think the basin i've learned through this whole journey that none of these is the end destination right this is all just like life like like hopefully is very long and has lots of different seasons that we move through and so the cool thing is is that the next thing or the season that you're in right now it doesn't have to be the thing forever maybe it's a stepping stone i heard this saying once that it's only in hindsight that you can see how like the constellation of your life comes together right the way you connect all the stars and you can't see it when you're in it right then when you look back you're like okay perspective now so that would be like my biggest piece of advice to somebody who's in that son of like feeling a little unsure or feeling like they need a change but they're a little nervous to just take that first step and allow that to build your bravery and your courage each step of the way

[bianca_morra]:

oh yeah those syncronicities that happen when you start leaning into what feels good just not they're not coincidences at aller

[kate_house]:

oh

[bianca_morra]:

total

[kate_house]:

i couldn't agree more

[bianca_morra]:

totally universal nods and you know i think a pivotal part of of your story is something that i feel like it's really easy to get hung up at and on is when you look at your history and the amount of time

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

and the amount of energy and the amount of whatever you've invested in whatever it is um it can be hard to let go of that but the reality is when we're talking about living by design that's very action oriented and there are many seasons of like in and out and you know just because this is what you've always done doesn't mean that it just makes sense or it's the logical thing to always do that there's just so

[kate_house]:

hm

[bianca_morra]:

much choice and there's so much you know to build upon and i think that it comes back to this idea of the present moment and really it's the only thing that's real so no matter how many

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

hours how

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

many years how much whatever it is it's done like that's

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

that is done and then the future doesn't exist yet either it's just right now so what do you want to do that feels good right now um

[kate_house]:

yeah

[bianca_morra]:

m it's it's a pretty incredible incredible feat what i can ask you my gosh hear my niece my sister my niece are visiting so i hear them

[kate_house]:

you're totally good

[bianca_morra]:

um ah it was about

[kate_house]:

oh

[bianca_morra]:

if it's like right there there's so much that and you what did you leave off saying

[kate_house]:

your courage and your bravery muscle

[bianca_morra]:

harry to greet

[kate_house]:

listening to those little universe nods and

[bianca_morra]:

got

[kate_house]:

like

[bianca_morra]:

the

[kate_house]:

giving yourself permission to not the next thing doesn't have to be the thing

[bianca_morra]:

oh it's the hindsight i think that that's so

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

that's something i talk about in terms

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

of our photo practice is that sometimes i think that we really can bring our hindsight closer to now and i think that whether it be your photo habit where you're able to extract yourself and witness what you're looking at from your seat of consciousness like there are different ways and tips and tricks that you can kind of pull yourself out of your force through the trees moment to be able to see more clearly but obviously nothing is more clear than being ten years out from something

[kate_house]:

uh

[bianca_morra]:

but i do think that there are things that we can do to try to bring that wisdom into the now this is

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

such a rich rich story i'm so grateful that you're telling it something that we've been diving into in the nesalganel membership this month is this idea that is he you're the perfect person to ask this question to do that we are constantly living into a certain a couple of questions that are most relevant and poignant to us so it's kind of

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

like a spin on you know you're why in your purpose but instead of ling the heavy weight of like okay here is my well corrected sentence of this is here it is i think that it's a little bit more approachable the point of entry is a little bit easier to embark on when we can think about okay what is a question like that i am super interested in answering over and over again through my work i think it's funny because i will i mean from high school to now i think about all the projects i did then i thought there were all brand

[kate_house]:

oh

[bianca_morra]:

new and then i looked back and like oh it was all about the same thing it's just different

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

variations of the evening um so i want to know for you what what questions do you feel like

[kate_house]:

and

[bianca_morra]:

in the way you live your life the work that you make the impact that you make in the world what question are you answering

[kate_house]:

gosh this is just such a beautiful question and there's so many different ways that i can go for me i find having some guiding principles to be really helpful so i our family we call them our core values so my husband has three and i have three and two of them overlap but for me it's having purpose but but like you said not pure and this like purpose on just feel so heavy like when you ask one like what's your purpose like if i wont ask me that i'd probably like want o cry like i don't know why are you asking me this and it's funny because i've been diving into this idea purpose a lot and i have a monthly collective as well and we've been diving into purpose and re framing it as asking ourselves what is it that i can do that makes me feel like i'm spending my time well and that's cool because that can be leaning into so many different areas that can be being really purposeful about being present right or it can growing and building something or working towards something but it can also be really wonderfully tied to right now so for me i purpose is a big one for me passion is a really big one and i mean passion in terms like what are the things that i just really love to do right like i love to make these really simple quilts that my grandma taught me how to do when i was eight years old right and she passed away a long time ago but a way that keep her memory close to me is i make these little quilts for all my friends who have babies right and that's what she used to do and i love to run and i love to be crafty and i love to be out of my garden you know all those things and for me like passion can can be that right it's just the things that i love to do like just it makes my heart happy the things where you get into that flow state where time melts way and you forget to eat lunch and you're just like you're like for me music is usually involved like i'm listening to like a really good album or an awesome spotify play list and i just lose all sense of like thing out everything else other than like me and whatever it is that i'm doing whether that's a yoga practice or a water color just get into that flow state and you lose it so we've got purpose we have passion um and one of the other things that really guides me is just family and so but not just like spending time with my family and i include friends in my family like i have friends who are absolutely heard of my family but being really present with them right so not being on my phone and being really distracted or thinking about three days from now we're thinking about what happened yesterday but just being like where my feet are like just being with them in that moment sharing a meal or going on a walk like my kids just love to be outside i'm lucky if they're actually clothed when we're outside but like leaving my phone inside when i go out there with them and just being like okay i'm just going to hang out with you guys i'm not going to like check my text messages or whatever like i'm just going to be here with you so for me like if if i had if i had to ask like a question i would relate it back to my core values of like okay is this kind of falling into one of these three buckets and if it's not let's get curious about that like why does why is it of interest right me maybe those buckets need to shift because life changes over time but if i had to distill it down to just like one question it would just feel like am i living by design or by default in relation to whatever that thing might be right so you can use that in so many ways like um i mean ways big and small i could be like do i want to go on this adventurous trip with my family with my friends like yeah does that feel like i'm living purposely does that feel like i'm living by design like yeah really does um it can also apply though it's being like you know at tonight i just want to pour a glass of wine and watch the bachelor at and like if you do that with intention you can really enjoy it right like that's one of the things at night that i'm like oh once a week i just really like it's it's not quality but i really enjoy it right and i do that with intention i'm like okay i'm not going to have multiple screens open right put my phone down i'm going to watch this show and i'm just going to enjoy the ridiculousness of it right and i choose that for an hour like that's the time that i'm like all right this is like ridiculous time but i'm not mommying nobody's touching me i can have some time to myself to just be right then laughing like yes yes no one's tutghing me so yeah i think that would really be the question i asked myself is like m living by design with this decision or am i defaulting and there are definitely seasons of life where we need to slow down where we need to really nurture and care for ourselves i'm just coming out of one of those seasons my brother just passed away a few months ago and so i had really like evaluate like okay what are the things in my life that are really nurturing for me right now so i started taking walks every morning and that's been like such a beautiful new practice for me of just like quiet time with myself in nature the sun on my skin mean it's hot here in pensivanian this summer so like even though it's seven i am when i go like i get nice and warm and it's just like this really beautiful practice or having out time for myself at night to just sit and read and just have a little bit of quiet time in bed before i fall asleep and just like let the day kind of melt away um and really just analyzing like what re the things in my life that are really helping and choosing to lean into those and what are the things that are maybe like not serving me as well choosing to let them go and sometimes it's just letting things go for a season right it could mean like i'm going to pause this project and i'm going i'm going to come back to this a couple of month from now when i have more band with right it so giving yourself permission i think living by design for me why i love it so much as it gives you permission to choose what serves you well and and maybe that's feeling really vivacious and really energetic in it season um and maybe that's taking a step back and slowing down and loving yourself really well and being really nurturing and parenting to yourself so i gives you permission to show up in whatever season you're in in the best way that you can for yourself and to do it i think i hope at least in a really loving way

[bianca_morra]:

well i love so much about the way you really bring these examples and these pillars to life is

[kate_house]:

oh

[bianca_morra]:

that they manifest in very granular small ways and i think that is where we can get a little bit lost i think that sometimes it's easy to discredit the little

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

things that

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

feel like stupid and silly that feel good to us

[kate_house]:

yeah

[bianca_morra]:

but to really let them

[kate_house]:

oh

[bianca_morra]:

shine like put a spot light on them and be like i i really like watching this crappy show i really

[kate_house]:

ye

[bianca_morra]:

enjoy it like

[kate_house]:

oh

[bianca_morra]:

i'm not really enjoying it if i'm sitting there watching it saying i shouldn't be watching this this is a waste of time i have laundry

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

then you're not doing anything really you're not

[kate_house]:

yeah then that whole hour was wasted because you you didn't feel good right you felt

[bianca_morra]:

yeah

[kate_house]:

guilty you felt stressed you were judging yourself like but what if you could just give yourself permission be like just enjoy this ridiculous t v show with all of these twenty and thirty something year olds like living

[bianca_morra]:

yeah

[kate_house]:

their best life on t v right like what if you can just be like you know what for this hour i'm just going to be real enjoy this

[bianca_morra]:

yeah it's just sometimes i think that um it almost feels like okay if to be intentional and to you know maybe live by design can feel like a clime of sorts like okay i'm going

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

to re invent that i'm gonna no

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

it's not even it's actually getting really simple it's actually getting

[kate_house]:

hm

[bianca_morra]:

just really clear

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

on what feels

[kate_house]:

yeah

[bianca_morra]:

good

[kate_house]:

yeah

[bianca_morra]:

and i love how you say and getting curious but the things that come up because in not everything in fact probably most of nothing is good or bad it's just our desire to

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

label good and bad it can feel

[kate_house]:

yes

[bianca_morra]:

good it can feel that but that doesn't mean the actual event is good or bad in this is going into like consciousness talk and all of this but like it's just this idea that when we can be curious and use it for me information as like data points in order to

[kate_house]:

hm

[bianca_morra]:

kind of are our ships a little bit instead of thinking well this is good and most people think this is good and even though it feels bad for me it seems like this is good because everyone else is saying so so i'm going to stay here you know wise

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

m so it's a very empowered place to come from and live in but it's also very accessible which is

[kate_house]:

hm

[bianca_morra]:

really exciting

[kate_house]:

yeah absolutely i think that's the number one thing

[bianca_morra]:

m

[kate_house]:

that i hope people get in listening to this conversation and listening to the conversation we shared over on my show and listening to any episode that i share or any thing that i post is that they feel like they have agency in their life

[bianca_morra]:

yeah

[kate_house]:

i think sometimes we i don't know where this comes from i don't know i watched a lot of disney movies coming like growing up where like you get saved by somebody right like the damsel

[bianca_morra]:

yeah

[kate_house]:

in distress has a night that shows up and is like i have the answers to all of your problem and i don't know if that makes us complacent subconsciously or who knows right that's like a whole other conversation but like when when we realize like oh i to choose how i spend my life i get to choose the people i share my time with i get to choose the people i enjoy meals with that i work with right like i think so many times we think that we're that we're stuck that we can't leave the whatever it is but actually like everything in your life you you can choose maybe not everything mason say everything but like a lot of things in your life you get to choose right and so what if you took like radical acceptance of that and and you really decided like okay let's just slowly but surely phase out some of the things that don't feel great for me let's keep layering in the things i feel really good and feel vibrant and and expansive is a word that i know you like to use like what feels expansive right like let's add more of that in and expansive could be like my morning walk right like i feel great on those walks i feel like getting back in touch with myself i'm working out some things like i just come back like a more patient and present person and what if we just we did more at that and we just gave ourselves permission to take control of our lives to not let it happen o us but to be like okay i am like an architect in my life and i don't have to wildly change everything so that tomorrow looks totally different right it's just about like helen in the book atomic habits on by james clear he talks about like one percent shifts and i like to think about that a lot like what what does a one percent shift every single day or every single week um look like a year from now or five years from now or ten years from now right and the cool thing about life in my opinion is that the time is going to pass no matter what so whether you feel like you're defaulting or you feel like you're living by design like the time is still going to pass like in the blink of an eye we're gonna be five years down the road and our kids are going abe almost as tall as us right like it's just going to go so fast and so what if you could spend that time that you know is going to pass anyways leaning into living by design and and that's what i've seen in my own life at least is like all of these incremental shifts

[bianca_morra]:

i

[kate_house]:

all of these things of choosing what feels good um leads over time to this sense of well being that i want everyone to get to experience this feeling of like you look at your calendar and you're really content right you feel

[bianca_morra]:

yes

[kate_house]:

really good about it and that that's a cool place to be so that's always my hope is like somebody walks away from these conversations just being like yeah i could take charge of it if a like maybe it doesn't have to be big and scary maybe it maybe it can be small it can be small ways to add up over time

[bianca_morra]:

a thousand best and using your agency i mean you're the co

[kate_house]:

yeah

[bianca_morra]:

of your life like

[kate_house]:

oh

[bianca_morra]:

you're nice to have doesn't have to be nice to have it can be a non negotiable that turns

[kate_house]:

yeah

[bianca_morra]:

into a calendar tap like your walk isn't like

[kate_house]:

hm

[bianca_morra]:

an option unless you decide

[kate_house]:

hm

[bianca_morra]:

that you're you know like it's like no this is my this is what i do in the season of life and here it is it's like just as important and no one else is involved in this calendar tap but me you know it's

[kate_house]:

yes

[bianca_morra]:

just and

[kate_house]:

yes

[bianca_morra]:

it's such a huge passion point of mind too i usually refer to it i just grew up thinking of it this way and

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

wanting to desperately avoid autopilot mood in my life and

[kate_house]:

yeah

[bianca_morra]:

i kind of phrase it when i talk about it as like challenging

[kate_house]:

okay

[bianca_morra]:

norms because what's so tricky about

[kate_house]:

yes

[bianca_morra]:

it is that there are so many ways and this is something that i'm consciously like aware of and like it's heightened for me but there are still so many ways in which i do things and i live that i realized why am i why am i doing it this way because that's the only thing i've ever seen and i actually don't have to it this way like i think that there's just so much excavating that can be done and which is great it's not even in a way of like there's just so much it's i think that there's just so much ortunity to feel better and live

[kate_house]:

m

[bianca_morra]:

more into your life the way that you want to so long as we just stay curious end turn our attention to the things that don't feel great or not that they don't feel bad they don't feel good they just feel met and like how can this feel better for me you know

[kate_house]:

m yes i love that question of like how can i make this my work with a like a spiritual business coach and i had her on my show a while back and she said how can i make it's more pleasurable and she didn't mean it in like a physical intimacy it was just like pleasurable like how can i make this cup of tea that i made like just one degree more pleasurable can i add this honey that i love and i just save it for my tea because it's like really urbacious or well you know whatever it is right or you're like snuggling on the couch and you're reading a book and you're like how can i make this like just a tiny bit more pleasurable like maybe you start a fire or maybe you light a candle or um you grab your very favorite cozy sweater and you put it on like what are these little tiny ways in your day that you can just make it just slightly more pleasurable right because to your point of like life is right now like the only thing we get for sure is this moment that we're in right this minute so how can we make it just a tiny bit more pleasurable a tiny bit more purposeful any bit more by design

[bianca_morra]:

what a beautiful way

[kate_house]:

yeah

[bianca_morra]:

to wrap up i love this so

[kate_house]:

ah

[bianca_morra]:

much kate please tell us i know that they're going to be curious how can we find more of you

[kate_house]:

my

[bianca_morra]:

on where are all the places and spaces and what do you have coming up

[kate_house]:

oh thank you so much banca well this was so much fun i could just talk with you forever i think we're going to just continue being in each other's spheres because we have which in common so i'm so grateful just to to share more time and space with you so thank you for that yes so my podcast is the live by design podcast and you will be able to find bianca on there as well some super so i did share that conversation with you all and online my website is miss kate house because i guess there's another kate house out there and she beat me to it so it's m s k a t e h o u s c dot um and that's where you can find my monthly women's collective my one on one coaching my courses on there of course coming out about purpose and intentional living this fall in october so that will be available over there and and the best place to connect with me to really you know i find i'm sure you've had this experience bianca on a podcast it's very much this one way conversation right like we are sharing the podcast but our listeners don't get to connect with us so i just started my facebook group if you go to miss kate house dot com slash community that will automatically direct you over to my facebook group and that's where we can just continue this conversation of living by design and that default so if you're interested in joining i'd love to have you in there

[bianca_morra]:

i am hopping in there

[kate_house]:

i love it and we would love to have you

[bianca_morra]:

thank you so

[kate_house]:

he

[bianca_morra]:

much kate we will no doubt talk to you again soon

[kate_house]:

absolutely thank you so much

[bianca_morra]:

yeah